she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I supernannyed him into submission
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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