I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
