Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
