Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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