I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
