I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
