I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
