I wish I only lived at night.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
