3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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