we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
