I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
