Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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