Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
