Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
