I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
