It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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