I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
