hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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