i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
