hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
