Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no you cant smoke seaweed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize