Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize