I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
