Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
