therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
