Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
