For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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