i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
