i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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