I puked a lego.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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