Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
