He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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