dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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