We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
