3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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