My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
