I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
