The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
