Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
