There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
