1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
