How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
