She said her name was "party"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
