Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
