He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
