Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
