we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
