I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
