Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize