I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
