We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize