just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
