I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize