I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
