Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
