So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
