woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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