she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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