I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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