I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
