i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
