the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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