Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you had me at cake vodka
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
