is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
